Was Just Out Walking

All I could think of was race. So that one night I got back I saw a very black guy next door, thin and tall. This morning I noticed a tan Asian guy, average. At the mall, I was annoyed by this Asian person at this Asian store who I talked to about being Asian. I was kinda happy when I got back my mom gave me this light tan cell phone holder and the key to the house on my old key chain I found on the floor by where I put it in the garage, this morning. I had it up secluded from my other junk away. It makes me happy to know I don't have anywhere to be. (My computer just said a page couldn't load, which it never did before, since I asked for my Gmail which detects my IP.) So, the news is that I was on the last episode of the second to last disc of a TV show and stopped it. I watched the beginning of the next one and thought it was way too boring. These are old famous shows, anyway. I should get rid of all these DVDs now. I have my Netflix and have to try to get into my old account. I'll have to leave a note for my dad if I can't figure it out through an e-mail address. So, no I don't have anything to watch now in a way. I felt bad knowing out today I have German last names and grew up thinking I was German and French and Dutch most of the time. I figured it was just Anglo-Irish with simple German/Frankish English last names.

Okay, authoritarianism. Is Chinese put at the bottom as nothing when the competition arises technically? Every human has a right to interact. (My computer could not display the page again. We should really move away from here. I washed the stuff on the couch they use today and the pillows looked nice when I cleaned them, giving me hope that living in a nicer place would be a reasonable desire.)

So, DVD player, my mom gave me this one we got for something, I think I got as a present for us all. It has a small screen and looks like those ones I saw at the store, like it opens like this little laptop. I recall it running from batteries.

So, how am I special other than being considered a mix with my desires ethnically? Like, I'm not just some other Asian. Why are all the Asians acting like they don't wanna be?

Okay, this DVD player, I see it works off batteries and mustn't be out, like it's not to recharge apparently. My internet is a little slow. It's Friday. I'll probably get the house after noon. So, today, I could get a bigger laptop, as well. I had a good walk. This time I actually went out and found the sign for the 7-11. (Internet slow, yea, I just said that.) There was also a pharmacy here with a drive-thru, which is nice. So, with Netflix I'm all set except if I order something else. My hair is growing in nicely. I haven't showered for two days and feel fine. I'm relaxing more I guess. I did all the chores. I should have checked the laundry earlier, but I washed the blankets later. Too bad I didn't think and do it sooner. (Why is my internet so slow. Ah there it is.) So, what is it today, a trip to the mall just to eat and grab a drink? Can I clean this afternoon or will I get tired? I told my mom I'd go to church on Saturday, so then I'd want clothes if I do. I said I'd go to this resort for two days, sounds like another stay just at a motel. I could cancel it. I remember the dates, July 25th & 26th. Then, I said I'd do a 5-K run on August 5th. I said Saturday, which is tomorrow, I'd go to this art thing but will probably cancel it, for 9 A.M.

I feel good about doing the chores here. I'm not sure what else my life needs. I wanna clean my room. I wonder if that's a prediction for tomorrow night. It's just that it's already clean. The only thing I need to change is throwing things away. I feel kinda bad about wanting new outfits. I'm not sure what to do about shoes, neither. It's hard to get the right things. I do need to save some money. It came down to like not what I used to do, which is get just a pair of boots in the colors I like and sneaker shoes and work out sneakers and then just get like a handful of some things that were okay. My concern was modesty.

I'm not sure what my life really needed. Another reason to want to wait to go to the mall is so my hair grows in more. It almost looks like it could be brushed now.

Did you ever wonder why the U.S. isn't more English? Like, there's cultures here that just look really messed up. Like, even though they look amazing, they have it worse as a person. I wasn't like the most ideal when I was little as I say at all times, but there were some people who were just because they were blonde. If I were blonde I would be. I guess I was a little dead and underdeveloped since I wasn't.

I don't get why people have mixed. People are dissing me just because of that whereas it doesn't seem like a bad idea to them. They wanna treat one's parents better than oneself like they are the baby and not the idea there is like a new person like one usually would accept. (Internet cannot display page.)

I think I need to get hi-speed A.S.A.P. Okay, I got my Gmail and now am accessing it to see if I can access this other account. Then, I can check Netflix.

Okay, so why would someone suggest a non-European is trying to teach Americans the ways of their ancestors? Also, why do Europeans who aren't English German or who are American fall so easily for submitting to new weaknesses that are attached with things that cause racism?

Why am I being followed on Twitter from July 4? I need to delete that. Also, hi5 on May? I don't have one. I need to go through things. Okay, so that is good and done now. Now to see to Twitter and hi5? Thought I didn't have that. Oh yea I didn't know how to get rid of that. Oh well that's that. I wonder what will happen to my old YouTubes if I'm too lazy to care right now because it's making me nervous and wanting to do something else. Oh yea the hi5 didn't work. Well I will try Netflix. Okay got it down pat. Things are going smoothly now.

Okay, how do you feel about people being forward and feeling powerful when they shouldn't, such as calling me Mongy just because I've posted there?

I just wish I could eat now. The kitchen probably is free. I just need to figure out what I want to do today. Yea, the kitchen won't be free soon. Like before, I just can't figure how to rearrange my room. I really like watching old movies, but I like getting rid of them, too. I'm not sure. Of course, I like watching new things. I miss when I first saw things, but it was really tense. I need to find things I really like in the end I guess. It's so perfect how with the couch against the window and the desk to draw right next to the mirror which is the sliding door to the closet. The noise is muffled by my bed by the washing machine and dryer. So, I have the DVD shelf right by the couch on the wall next to it. The side of the couch is against that wall. The, the little TV is on a little stool for video games. Then, there's a skinny tall strong bookshelf. Then, behind where the door opens is a small trash can with a lid and my laundry hamper. That's so dull. I have my drawers in my closet. I'm always doing things like this. I should keep this desk. I should get a rectangle stool to prop, if I do get it, my computer console for good luck. I want to wait on a printer, but I want to be ready. It just replaces the old one on my drawers. I was going to put stacking shelves there so that the small plastic drawers on the floor wouldn't get in the way of hanging clothes. I could not reach it way up high. There just is not enough room for all this. The other solution would be if I was willing to get a bunk bed like with a couch for instance and would make sense because I could easily watch TV from there. My shoes are under my drawers. The bottom is missing, so it's easy to get them.

Another reason I wanted to go to the mall was to get bath products and the stores they have for this there. I can't wait until the house is free. I just don't feel like going with my hair like this because it's Friday and there'll be people just there to have a good time with okay clothes on. It's more like a treat for me to spend money. It does seem safer for me to get clothes first, in a way, just so I have something. In a way, I think I need to make some more decisions about fitting maybe a better TV. It's just that everything's so perfect. Why would I have the bed by a window is like my only question, which is probably a bad one. It's too perfect for reading. It's just that across from it is a door. I can't move the bed, neither, if I were to nudge the couch over. It does not seem safe not to have a wall for a screen. It seems my parents aren't getting me a new DVD player, and the old one I guess they got rid of for some reason. That doesn't make any sense to me. At least I can still use it for video games. I get the feeling this was just convenient and they won't look for my old one since I didn't set it up when I set it up again for video games in my room. I just don't know if I should go out and get one unless I get a new TV then. It seems that I am missing a chord as well if this plugs into another screen. I can just move it to where the TV is now maybe, as well, moving it even closer to the couch.

I get the feeling that the whole issue with race is actually what boy you marry or what girl you get. Like, it's about the kids. Isn't that interesting? Like, I can use my race and add to it what I like. I thought I already was pretty mixed but may not be in the way I thought.

So, I think that is an easy solution because then I can put the TV on the floor by the shelf where no DVDs are at the bottom as of now. I can switch them around if I play video games for now. Actually, I can use this one for video games I just realized. I just forget and thought it was a computer for some reason.

So, today, what will I do then? Unfortunately, I may not do anything since like I still have blackheads. Maybe not too much that I felt better today going out. I really need to get out. I want that $1,000 MacBook, though. :D I saw they sell a special "LCD Cinema" screen to go with that for like so many of thousands of dollars. It's just that I can throw a laptop when I'm mad. I have marks on my wall now. That makes me mad in and of itself. I do have those marks by my wall from my bed from the blanket paint from when I hit it. Oh well.

I want to think about a thousand dollars though now. So I could get like a worse laptop for less. $3,000 is for a full computer. We still have the old one from the old house. Maybe if I'm better with the laundry and dishes things will look up, like if I had checked earlier and washed the things on the couch, but I just made another important decision to stop with the old TV shows. I could go out with my brother for ice cream, which is another thing. I don't feel that egotistical anymore, like if I went to a movie and chose to eat a wrap or pizza or something fun like that, getting clothes just because it fits. That's another thing, waiting as I'm getting slimmer. I just wish I could eat right now. It seems unreasonable to want another laptop. I should ask for that Apple. Oh so it was $4,000. Yea, I don't really think I should get the one for $5,000. I need to wait to fit into clothes, but then again I could find something, though it wouldn't be quite as fun. I just miss just going out to the movies and things. I don't want to ask for anything because I want to I guess get better first. I just don't trust that it won't break. Then, I can like make up for it. In like 3 months I could easily make up for a lot of it. I just feel bad and know it's not right. I believe since I haven't been spending money out my dad would though get me a laptop for $400-$600. That I'm not worried for. My dad made a suggestion to put the computer out in the living room from Slidell. A better suggestion is we get a family Apple. I don't move a laptop around. I should suggest that a computer is only a x4 figure of a laptop and that it doesn't break. He did count my having 3 broken ones. That adds up to roughly $2,000. My brother's was stolen. We lost 2 in the flood. That's quite a lot. I don't know what I'm afraid of. I think it's the money and that my chores cut me not much. I feel as though I can't wait until I have everything else, like I'm parked at home a lot and want a more reliable computer. By not buying new clothes I save money, but I need to get out. I do take walks. I always think of what if things were better. First, I wish I had a computer that worked, and now our internet is faster. Then, I wished I could eat food out, and I passed by I think a restaurant, which is just one and probably a taco place. It takes a lot of walking and crossing a road. It's a lot like the college I went to up north. I wish I had different outfits, but I actually dealt well with it. It's not good for going to the movies or out to a restaurant on a limb. I do like just posting on line. That tells me things like I need a magazine rack. I need to have something to write about like with art. I know it's more complicated than that. I didn't notice any special video games at the store, but I had dreams of them I thought, though maybe not. Something about it was funny somehow in general. I'm thinking I might not want to leave home and might want a computer. That might be a ticket to skip out on spending $500 and asking to loan/save for a computer. I don't see any reason it's not worth it other than that it's like spoiling me when my parents might use it to save like for a better place to live. The other thing is I would probably get better sooner in all likelihood and the fact is about needing something to do, when there are so many things I'd like to do. I just need this time at home. I need to somehow clinically relieve my stress. I can admit at the movies I want to come back to something. I just wish I could pay somehow for what I want. My brother brings his laptop into the living room maybe every day. I did fine with one in the living room. I'm not sure what to tell my dad and what "push..." will "...come to shove." I never had a total leisure online. We spent money not on too much. I just didn't have that keen to online until now, after going to college up north. I was in summer break when I started and for some reason hadn't gotten any jobs successfully. It did tire me that I was sorta like a failure and has changed my life. It was nice when I decided to quit. Then, I quit dance and it was even nicer then. I used to do school online and dance. The bad thing was I withdrew from 18 credit hours, a full schedule or more than full schedule considering my condition even though it was a community college.

Hey someone just left. I'm busy online, which tells me I should get a computer. I just don't know what I want to give up. I've already taken off school and dance. I don't want to be greedy for nothing. I admit this computer does for awhile. I can't keep up sometimes and like you know when you're upset you might spam, but that's not really the case so much as a new computer being desired since this is something I like to do a lot. I like to take walks like to get my body in motion and as my hair grows back in. I like coming home to a computer. That's a lot of money. The other issue is if my dad gets me something I still feel I could break something in a second that took him like weeks to pay for of his life by doing something stupid. My old laptop got slower as I left it on. That's something I always knew. This one turns off faster for instance, which is why I'm in limbo. I think I need to wait. Like, I wanted to dye my hair to look at the computers at the store. It had already been cut. So, now I should wait to get thinner to get more clothes at the mall. I should cancel all that stuff (art, church, race, motel.) Then, when I get some clothes and feel better I can ask for a computer. The other issue is they will spend it. I dunno. I'm glad they are. I just want something, either a bigger laptop or a computer. This does turn off and on more quickly and with less noise, though. That's the other issue. It's just hard to get something that works just the way I like it. Like, couldn't I just ask my dad for pizza and get better? No is the answer. Sooner seems better. Like, I wonder if now is a good time to re-ask. I'd say I was sick and wanted an Apple? I'd say get a real one because a laptop breaks. I say I want to save money for it. I don't feel like going out and getting it now. I just need to cancel those things I said I'd do, possibly. I just don't know if I'll feel like shopping tonight. I want to wait and just take walks now. I even have the house keys. The reason is like I'll end up doing something like needing more time and energy to pick up hi-speed internet and power back-up. I'm sure I want power back-up. So, my accomplishment for today was good, to decide not to watch the old TV shows. I'm watching the stuff with the actress for Alice in Wonderland. Then, I'm not sure. I looked at Netflix and am convinced I want to see "South Park" and "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." Then I want to see "Family Guy" and "American Dad" more than "The OC" and "Greek." I don't like TV shows with just a few people. I don't know what "Greek" is probably about. I just don't get hooked to things like that like I do to art, which is why I am interested in those cartoons. I want to see maybe some "Yogi Bear" and like "The Jetsons." Not so much would I see all "The Flinstones" episodes, and plus the real thing is a film. It seems like the right route from here. I can get rid of the old TVs. When the entire major board is about a "South Park" appearance I would then have a reason for reading that post. I wonder if it's all about seeing a little penguin. Obviously, I've at least seen some of it. I see I can see "South Park" online, as well. I wonder if I'll watch all that or however much first and then "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." I'm not into seeing all of "The Simposons," at all. Seriously, I guess I'm not like that with "Yogi Bear." That sounds too boring. I feel similarly about "Family Guy" and "American Dad." It's just about masturbating the baby and the American Dad. That's a literal post about that now, ha-ha-ha-ha. So... Yes, I am waiting to get thinner to get clothes. The whole spunk for doing my hair was so I would look good soon for a new computer or laptop. Now I know I want a computer. I've been doing chores but haven't been cooking. I cook for myself, preparing simple things with spices. I can take care of the dog. I want to plant some plants for health, but I don't know quite what and how. We have a backyard, and there's this playground there. I'm not sure where to start. That's why I should go to the store sometimes to just see what I like. Then, I can come home and walk some more. I don't really regret having watched those TV shows. They were really good, but this was a stopping point. It surprised me I didn't get into the next one. It doesn't make sense. I'm watching these cartoons for the art and for this Polish Aussie this other stuff ha-ha. I just don't know how long I'm going to wait. For the mall I guess it'll be being thinner, having less blackheads, and having longer hair. Now you can see between every hair. Also, it doesn't look black in the light, but it's not see-through. It does look black, but I look white. I look very white with it. So, right now I'm just relaxing, enjoying myself, gradually finding ways to stay thinner. I was thinner before, but now I have a different look I like better. I need to get out a lot, so it's more likely I will work out again today. Hey, I have the house keys. I pity this evening of nothing and wanting to leave a note since I need more private time, waiting for my hair to grow out and to get thinner. I even don't want to walk to those stores and probably should not wander there until I do go to the mall and all. That's another thing that baffles me. I never jog like automatically now because I'm sore from starting that lifestyle before. I even come back again early from walks. Before, when I stopped doing this was because we moved. I don't know about having an experience quite like this before. I do need more time in, as well. I spend it eating sometimes, sometimes needing not to. I do wish I could just mess around some online and maybe should work on my video games. I am annoyed at having some boring things to read, but I know it will end. I really just want to like get something reliable, where the sofa is somehow against the window, though maybe this will change, and I have a TV facing the middle of it directly. I don't particularly enjoy cowering over a laptop to watch a film. It's still a little crowded, but I may move over the things I said I would. It's all good. I know a TV would fit. Though, can the shelves go in the garage then? Yea, I don't like those DVDs a lot. I don't want them in the garage. The books are just a few things I like that should go out, some comics, some old things, some math stuff. and the Alice stuff. I think it'll all be good.