Happy ... So Happy ...

So, I realized now that I don't have an obsession over those old TV show sets, I can "spend my down time here." Yes, I am practicing my typing.

So, I feel better because I was sleeping and just took a shower. It looked a little light outside, and I thought it might be 6 A.M., though it's not. My net is being a little phony again.

So, yea, maybe it's from starting to do the chores. I mean, I always clean up after myself. It's not hard when you're on sabbatical. Sometimes, I wonder either why I'm not hungry or why I don't eat. It's because I'm tired.

Yes, I must admit this slow net stuff upsets me. I said I would wait until my hair grew and I got slimmer. Then, I would go to the mall and get smoe more appropriate clothes. After that, I would get a computer. It makes sense to want clothes more than a computer. I feel that a laptop would be equally as slow as this mini-laptop is. I dunno because it works sometimes. Hey there it is. Well, now I gotta wait for another page. If this totally isn't working out, I'll need to ask for a $400-$600 laptop and eventually an Apple computer machine with a separate moniter. I assume like I'll wanna get stuff, but I think that just using it to type online is reason enough, like getting an expensive phone. It's like a car for me. Oh no, not another page not displayed. Looks like it'll work this time though. So, yea, if I were young enough to be in college, I could just ask for another laptop. Think of how much time I've wasted typing that my little laptop doesn't work. It's just that I need to get better before I work. I might go watch TV and depend on just a few things online that load, though I do end up waiting for it all. It's tacky I'm thinking that I'd wanna learn to make those neat sigs. I haven't been able to ask and get an answer on those things. Like, I just assume it costs around $200-$500. Yes, it's still loading. I'm pretty good at buying something that you only use once. I've seen people find ways to decorate a ProBoard, but that doesn't quite interest me. In fact, there aren't many places to post the things I like. Another thing was getting a better way to listen to music. Wow, I don't even know if this page will load when I'm here, hence me wanting a new laptop (hey there it is) even if it doesn't start up as fast.

Okay, something interesting for a change. I wonder about the fact that people aren't racist when it comes to racism insofar as they use more colored races as a weapon against more Asian ethnicities.
...
Like, if my dad is so different from my mom in their extremes in each of their lives, which entails a race (yea the page is still loading - oh btw this time I actually didn't bathe when I showered and now only shave armpits, bottom leg limbs, and private for each time,) like so I wouldn't marry a blacker Asian. I wouldn't marry a more Mongolian Asian. I'm fresh out-of-luck culturally, and it is interesting. (Where's the page?) I don't like the fact that Vanessa Hudgens is part Chinese but has Filipino. She also has Spain Spanish and so forth as well as Irish. She also has Cherokee come to think of it. (The page is coming.) I can't judge that anymore than I can someone who's mixed with anything. I just know everyone had it better because my relatives lied that I'm indian when I can't be. I just found on my own I'm part Scottish I mean. They said no about that so many times. I don't know who brought it up. (Yup, my net is really slow.)

So, yea, getting a new computer faster. I wonder if Friday is just one of those nights. Yea, it is. I'm so happy steering clear of the Soapbox and resorting to blogging. I'm so sick and need something like this. I'm not disgusting, like a lot of people. I don't get all greasy. So, what, maybe I can clean more today. Yea, this feels like Alice in Wonderland stuck in the bottomless pit that has a messy border. In fact, I'm even annoyed and might get up and go.

Okay, whose business is it to say that Asian isn't white because it's not European when sometimes it looks European? That's an admittable fact. Some Asians are clean and more attractive. European European. I mean really. (Page cannot be displayed, plus I was reloading a past page.)

You know what really makes me upset when I'm down? When people from England pamper Americans. I notice that they get along with bad people. I don't like being made to feel I have something wrong with me. (Ah! Page not displayed. I'll have to do it one at a time.) See I need to slow down myself. I wonder what's going to happen to me then in the end. "Will I make it?"

I don't need to wonder what good it did me to post online and then stop. I learned a lot of things basically I didn't know before, which has happened.

Does anyone feel they have been attacked by colored posters? I don't mean like Chinese/Indonesian or something. I guess I mean something like that Germans don't like, which isn't Jewish. That's just too bad because I'd like it. It's just so hot where they are or where their family is from.

(Why is this page ... not loaded! Never minde because there it is.)

I can go for a walk when morning hits. I don't like sleeping in an active house. I think I'll have a better time at my face, too.

It's faster, yeah! Almost here. There.

So, I'm a lot better for some reason since that walk in the morning, coming home and typing that long blog, sleeping, and taking a shower. Why do people roll their eyes at blogging when it's typing practice? Some people already did their chores!!!!

(Hm, slower.)

I feel rather stuck-up, but glad I've had some experience online so I can lay low. I don't like being recognized by certain posters.

I feel I've been abused online for fun by people who've been brave enough to post there and decided not to ignore me for that of which I am capable. It's a good thing to notice whatever is the case. I just posted about my race. I started just wanting to talk anti-racism.
---Yea, it's just a lot of work if you're not prepared---
I guess I had too many lose ends.
I mean, where is that picture of me that cannot be a source for racism that was never taken or that hasn't been available since "the flood" or rather hurricane. Why do I not have enough of the pictures that I've done as a kid? I just have one "good" one. The reason for that is it just seems right. I know it's personal and something you don't want to give away. I guess just that one is okay, though. It's just that I so like the rest that I know there could be more that could be worth something. Like, my baby pics are not bad. (Ah, I should have loaded the other page already.) I didn't have too many of me when my hair did get long, though some are pretty amusing. One just isn't enough. Then, there's the videos that have supposedly been lost. (Page not displayed!) I had some good stuff from around age sixteen and then stuff from when I was rather younger.

So, I noticed my eyes are like legally mostly green. It's just that so much it's that orange bright brown. I guess it doesn't matter if you're attractive and live in Florida supposedly. I'd say my eyes were less fair, though not considered strong though they are annoyingly so for others. That just doesn't make sense. I felt good out in the light yesterday.

Come to think of it, yea, my dad was upset about me wanting a laptop. So, I'm doing chores now. I need to clean more, make more space for my family. It just so happens I suppose it's Friday. I mean it's Saturday morning. I wonder how many people have blogs like this. I went online for e-mail, but people have gotten cranky on e-mail. That took a lot of time and contemplation, but at least it was something. I got some cute little forwards. I did my YouTube with it but since deleted. See that's another thing. Plus, I want to get rid of the only clothes I have. I saved dresses my mom's mom made, but since they don't fit I want to get rid of them. I think my mom would keep them, though they don't actually fit her. I think I will. I think I'll leave them for her. This is quite a bit and hopefully will be done this weekend. (Page not displayed!)

Yea, should I just get up and eat? Oh, there the page is coming.

So, yea, I miss those old films when I hadn't seen them as much. I think I can do them again. I would have to say that the love for this one film doesn't make sense. I'm glad I am more willing to see what I consider to be more popular more, though some is disgusting. (Page taking awhile.)

Hey my hair is matting down even though it's only like a centimeter. (Page! Ah why is this so slow. Sometimes.) The color is still good. So, the photo looked like a peach juice orange. It wasn't clear for some reason or I deleted too soon. Hey, I look a lot like my dad's dad's side. I keep thinking they're more English Irish and my dad's mom's side is like part indian Irish. Hey, my dad's dad's side even has real Irish. So, it looks very (page!) what shall I say solid in real life? I don't know why, but I see it like before when I cut it recently a first time, well then it looked like maybe it was really fake, like I was a robot. It was like black but like the outside worn off as though it were supposed to be pretty, like the plastic red outline. Well, now it looks throu ... th ... just about done. Now it looks through and through a solid color, like it's all dark iridescent. It's not like oily. It's really just ... about done for today I guess ... it's more just a solid dark ... shall we say ... liquid blackened live-looking color of a deeper red rose, like the juice out of it? It's just a solid two tone of that and this matted black-brown, like a grayish dark brown that blends blackly into the red. It's looked like this on start. I don't know that it could change. I'm just using the Paris London NY brunette shampoo and conditioner. I mat it with a towel. My eyebrows are growing in sporadically, though in other areas hair is growing in right away better but not like it needs to be shaved a lot. Just is nice though spikey is thicker rather than old and greasy. (Okay, so I'm just going to post this and go. I'll be back to that Alice in Wonderland site sometime and sometime make a blog post.) I guess I look like my dad's dad's dad's side because my mom is white so it doesn't make me look like a blackened version. Haha new joke that isn't funny though. I do have some qualities from the other side. In general I depend on my dad's mom's dad's side, as well. I guess she gets most of her problems from her mom's side. That doesn't make sense. I guess she's just messed up, but I'm not liek that. I guess as a baby I looked similar. I think she had white blonde hair but seemed to have light brown hair as a baby. Like, I had sharp white skin and black hair as an infant, though when it got more visible it was dark brown. Like, my eyes looked really black from far away as a baby. We had this video of me at an aunt's divorced wedding down the aisle as a guest. I was kinda big and fat from my father, which does not please me in the slightest. I think her dad wasn't tall though a grandfather and others were like very tall and thin. I don't know how tall and thin the others would be or if that exists, or if it's just the grandfather or just the great-grandfather. Oh yea that was both. Probably also siblings. You know, that would have been a good thing for me to realize. So, their skin you could say is more olive and my mom's was more gray and tan. It's just that it's not yellow. I don't know about ethnically with a tan. Do yellow people tan? Well, yea. It's called being an Asian, and it's not like it means they're being European and white and someone else of the same race who isn't yellow isn't. My dad's obesity is a perplexion. It's not a lot, but he's just not like the ABC guy, as well. Still, that makes me thin as my mom isn't the same figure and was really thin for a lot of her life. She's an athlete or physical instructor. She did ballet and gymnastics her whole life. First she did ballet. She did gymnastics in high school and competed. She danced for the community/at church. Her mom (hey it's loaded but I'll finish) isn't as fat as my dad's. You get fat by having a good time. So, his dad had a beer belly, I guess as a lot of Americans do who are German or Irish/English. He was tall, though. So, my grandma is only just under 5', though it's not obvious. People just say 5'. Her arms are huge. My mom's mom has like an athletic figure, too, though, nothing like obese immigrants in the U.S. She's not even flabby. She just has maybe short legs and not as thin as my mom, less of an hourglass figure. That's for sure. So, I have every right to of course my nose being as it is, to be tall rather than deformed. I can't help that I am big. I'm certainly not stunted. That's something totally different, maybe more Irish. It's disgusting, too. I used to feel like that though I wasn't quite so troll-looking. So, basically, that is to say her dad wasn't tall. They have tall relatives if that means anything. Of course just knowing the Barber side, they're all short and fat. The men are fit though and short-average. It's just that they have a figure and are fit that they don't appear shorter, like my grandma how her size is fudged as yea there are short thin girls, count em, in the family, mainly. I keep getting confused as their kids are probably like 5'6" and thin country girls, of course blonde. It's strange none are like gold like if they were Finnish. That's just too bad. Like, I used to be particularly thin in a good way though with a face and thighs. I got taller and then shorter and fatter a little, though developed more in ways I loved. I did get into Harry Potter. I guess people liked it like Star Wars over which I made a scene about not liking as I couldn't catch onto even the obvious things that were funny as I didn't know what anything was. I'm willing to start reading it like I am World of Warcraft sometime again. It's just that like I'm worried about my computer. I probably shouldn't. That's something else I want to consider. I used to think, yea, my good Apple could be for posting online. The thing is the one that's $3,500 as opposed to $2,500 like I know stores more memory. What good is that? Then, what, I have another one for gaming? They have special screens as well I think or is it computers probably in the other like "more general" seeming brands. Then, what, to save that, I would have another for my own use to do art with, like the graphics and things like that? No, that's not good. I have to figure this out. I mean, really. I know you don't do a video game even to post on it and that like ones on movies for instance are on movies. Video games are more recent than comics. Comics is a form of art like anime and is broader than the Sunday strips, magazine clippings, and what you see as books.

Hey, since now I can say I look like my dad's dad's dad's family or whatever does that mean I should stop worrying since I'm Chinese Indonesian and not Jewish? Just forget about maybe India.

Okay, so, I was into height and then computer. Oh yea and like so should I like my dad's mom's dad's side or no since his parents are totally different and he just is an attractive mix. Okay, so, I did want a separate TV. This is really important. I've seen Pokemon for instance at others' house, but I never got introduced. My brother is big on PC games but doesn't post online that I know and got to play whenever he saw this new best friend. He was already kinda friends. His mom was so white, but he looked so colored or ethnic. It's disturbing. They had a lotta issues of family. So, yea, another thing is sometimes you can't undo and weird things with this little laptop but yea here you can. I forget how that works. Maybe it stopped? I dunno but doesn't seem like it would. It's like I should just play games off the computer until I find one I really like. World of Warcraft isn't really that like mirroring to the story, like the figures look fat. It's the only computer game I started trying to get into, with the daily calender. It's okay, too, like I'm getting into those other TV shows. So, yea, I should play games on a TV. I'm not into SIMS. I have My SIMS Kingdom and probably should stop it. Then, I do the hunting thing and oh yea SIMS Animals and then there's Sonic and the Dark Knight, which sounds kinda cute. I'll just see how I like it is the thing. I should ignore World of Warcraft for the time being. If I get good at games, which My SIMS Kingdom was okay, I can do World of Warcraft obviously faster then. Like, what, does Batman have the cute graphics? I know it's a big thing because you can't post on a forum without a sig. Like. I have a book on MySpace graphics or stuff rather and Facebook apps, which tells you how to make them. I'm into that stuff. I'm want to like take it slow and easy. I have those books to read still like. I'm not just waiting to get thinner and for my hair to grow back and to go to the mall. I'm staying away from a video game. Yoshi does seem cute, but like what if something isn't that challenging or isn't that interesting graphically? I saw a dead turtle on my walk, btw. I need to call the number on my cell phone to tell it's there or locate a different animal service if I run into a phone book. So sleeping good, Shower good. Walk good. We used to always go to China Wok on Sunday. (Meh.) Let's see. I only use MSN IM. I only use IMDb. I want a $4,000 computer set just for that. It's just that when you enter World of Warcraft it's not obvious what to do and the graphics aren't good. I guess it's just a standard. The calender is pretty good, though. I should read this novel that boosts Kaplan scores. There was only one, and of course it's a little book. It's a paperback. So, yea, I can just post on here about things. For some reason, I don't feel unwound as to if I want to be able to utilize graphics and play games. I think it's a waste. I'm also an artist anyway. That's just that for me. When we were there and the guy actually talked to me, as he talked to my father for hours and then the black lady standing by the Apples, he said his little sister does videos, like for YouTube. He suggested the Apple as opposed to the screens with Blu-Ray that dominate the store, all along the wall by the corner. True, that is pretty big. I'm certainly not against it. We were suggesting other brands, but to me I just remember Apple. I did suggest it for the mall. We weren't gonna, though. http://www.crutchfield.com/S-d1xLUUO2vsM/learn/learningcenter/home/dvd_faq.html It doesn't tell you about DVD players and Blu-Ray. So, that means I need a DVD player for non Blu-Ray I assume. I need a new TV, too. It seems as though like you know though you keep a TV for a long time whereas I can borrow this little one my mom uses for work that I got as a present for the family, with a screen, those little things you see all over for what like the price of a Blu-Ray player. True why get a Blu-Ray with a car TV. It's just so much when my ultimate goal is to just use a computer for posting, whereas having a TV is a lot like having a couch. I wonder if a Blu-Ray takes any room. Yea, I should probably finish some books, clear as much as I can to the garage and to throw away. I have some things I want to keep. I will actually find out when I clean. I shouldn't hope lke to just like be an artist instead. I need some comforts, not a trashy TV or something and not anything ridiculous, like something that wouldn't even fit you know. The thing is I want a real computer and am settling for the cheaper Apple, which holds less memory. Okay, I'm rechecking the site to see what else. (It may take awhile. I mean the site seems to be here already. Ah error but loading more stuff already. Still. Okay let's try this again.) Anyway, so, while I wait ... or not. Let's try again. I'll get the Apple for $2,500 + $1,500 + the keyboard and so forth. Here! Okay... waiting... So, that means my life will be more smooth. So, first, do I really wanna wait until I get some clothes to go out and get it seriously? Well yea actually. The other issue was what if it breaks. It's coming! I wanna spend money on pizza, but then thousands of dollars goes to a new computer. We needed the house beacause the last was so killer. (Okay...) That means we have even less now. How long and how much am I really needing to park here, a lot. I need to grow up. What about the breaking issue? That's why people got laptops. That's why I get the one for $4,000 and not $5,000. We don't really have that money is another issue. I want a TV is not reasonable. I think playing a DVD would slow down a computer, but what really slows it down is that I'm not actually that as I'm not saving things like I used to and used to delete them a lot. Maybe, I should get $5,000 as it has two processors. Where will I come up with some money? Hm, ships within 24 hours. So, I can make that much money in that number of months per gran. That's just me full-time. Anyway, I know it's better than a laptop. Save $1,000. I know I want the power back-up for $100 and hi-speed device for $1,000. It's as though -yea I don't need the garage as a room because of bugs and using it to store trash and stuff- as though ... I need a room for it the way I had a space on my wall for the couch. So, get rid of my shelves and there I have it. Then, I can even expect to tilt my screen to watch TV, which kinda doesn't sound like fun though may work out. Basically, I would have to move my couch from my window. I'll have to see if I'll cope with it. Then, there's room for a lamp, though. I did sleep on it halfway a little. It's a two-seat couch, of course, though I was going to get a new one with three seats.

Well, yes, it makes perfect sense to me. I'm not moving a lot. Even if you do, apparently taking a laptop no a plane can actually break it. It seems like it if mine did for no apparent reason. It was always iffy I guess like with playing movies. I didn't use it much really. I think I will do that. In that case, it seems as though I could get two computer screens or two computers, haha. No shelves in the room makes some sense. Lke, then ny rooom isn't a library. Haha... I still need a TV for video games. The thing is I do ask for things, like eating out, though I haven't been lately since I can't "get it myslf." I do want to wait to "see what happens" when i'm better, like. A laptop is a way of saying you have a life and don't do much on the computer. It's also kind of dishonest. I want to save for a computer somehow. I was thinking of using it while I'm getting better and then working, so then we'd get more money in. It's just so awfully much, I should wait somehow. I do want to ask for some food out, which isn't entirely a big deal like a new computer is. I want to walk to the 7-11 and that other store sometime to see what's there. I'm not sure what else I'll do tonight. I think that restarting big computers seem to break it, but with power back-up I think not. Hi-speed net also good. This though is okay to turn off and on. It's just that like I might like to turn it on and off lots of times a day. I'm not saving anything on Desktop. That's another issue. I just want to scan my art and post it and just post on IMDb. I don't assume another fansite will pop up. I do have ProBoards as a back-up since it's scary how people are there, spamming and starting new topics and acting dumb. I don't need stuff like that. You go around and find the same people and it's no fun. I know all the old people know me though so I won't get pointed out or anything. I just don't like how it's so secretive. I do like posting online about stuff, like now about a slow computer? In a way it's not a big deal. Maybe, after all, I could get one computer for Blu-Ray DVD, posting. Also, I don't use AOL desktop, so that saves a lot. Then, use it not only for watching DVDs, probably for music and getting new speakers if that's possible, then also using it for if I play any video games, which is a question. What else? Like, if I get a graphics program. The thing about a laptop I like is it's cheaper and hoping it won't break. I can use the moeny for other things. I do need to get out more. Like, I think I would eat out less but spend more money in the end for this. I'm not yet into anything other than posting online, though. Now, I'm depending on my blog for practice. Like, I don't eat in my room, neither. Maybe I could fit a breakfast bar. It seems like it if I watch TV on the computer. That makes sense to me now. I think I could use like a place to put where I listen to music and need louder speakers though I listen through headphones. It's never been able to be loud enough, like the computer is never loud, my laptops I know. I don't know what it is. Maybe the headphones will make it louder. I haven't been on my iTunes, though I can access it. (I remember the password.) I think I want a separate thing to listen to music with. I'm not so sure but like the thing with movies separate because it's easier then. It just makes sense and answers the questions. I plan to get a Blu-Ray and DVD player for a TV if I can. It's just that I can't ask for all that much like I need it all or maybe even ever. I don't like that really. It means I should do everything on a new laptop, which will slow down. I know I need maybe to buy a new DVD player and something I can see easier. I'll have to see how this is maybe, as well. I just need to clean up since I don't like any of my DVDs and am doing one book at a time. No, I don't know where to put that one book, probably on my printer or after I clear the top of my shelf is fine with me. Everything's looking good, now. Sounds good to me. I'll probably be walking soon, doing all the chores I find. I'll clear everything. The house is quiet all morning I bet. I'll see the space, meditate, and find a way to ask for stuff that's supposedly a lot of money. I'm sure I'll get off on possibly a laptop or a cheaper computer though it's good. TVs are not much money, so I don't know why they like the old kind. I guess they just do. I'll find a space easily to play music finally gain with better quality. I am annoyed and don't want a boombox. My table stays next to the mirror to draw. I find a way to store my art stuff, which is why I brought the shelves in here. It can go on the top of my shelf yea. Well. Yea then I can post more online I guess. Haha. So. Yea, waiting for my hair to grow and stuff. Going for a walk later. Um. Well that's all I have for now and I guess I have to go do it, though I'm gonna eat and probably watch some TV. Sigh. I'm so happy though it's done. I have more things to think about of course. Oh yea like the weather here is so familiar and seemingly better now I'm alone when I walk early in the morning, when it's dusky. It's like really bright and real, like when I grew up in south/east Florida. The clouds are nice and slim and abundant. It's very acute and of course broadly picturesque if that description does any justice to it. I just see a lot of work ahead of me and hope my stomach can hold my appetite. I don't like ever feel like throwing up, neither. I do get tired and groggy a little. Actually, I was very tired. Looking forward to when things are clean and I walk. Soon when my hair grows in and have clothes yea I guess I can just go out and get some stuff to eat for fun and plan things as a person again. Funny. Who posts online and says they have to go because they are gonna go and eat? Lol.